Keeping up with the Jones's
It's been 6 days, 5 hours, 14 minutes and 11 seconds..........................
If a drop dead gorgeous teenaged girl showed up at my door and offered me a choice between a pack of Pall Mall non-filters and a blow job I'm not certain what my choice would be.
Apropos of nothing: I was looking up the word occident (don't ask me why.................oh, I had a reason for looking it up, but I'm not going to fucking tell you).
At any rate one of the entries came from "The Devil's Dictionary" which was written by Ambrose Bierce.......................(a recommended read BTW).
To wit:
occident n.
The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call "war" and "commerce." These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.
Forewarned is forearmed........................(fourarmed would be weird...............interesting, but weird):
If you are not so closely related to me and so beloved by me as to absolutely preclude the idea of me murdering you for a cigarette.....(or murdering you because you showed up without one on you...................................or murdering you because you showed up with one on you when I'm this close to actually quitting) or:
If you are not prepared to offer me sex ( take note: age and gender are important considerations here......................I'm crazed, not desperate).
........then perhaps you should postpone that visit for a week or so, eh?
Thus endeth the entry.............................
If a drop dead gorgeous teenaged girl showed up at my door and offered me a choice between a pack of Pall Mall non-filters and a blow job I'm not certain what my choice would be.
Apropos of nothing: I was looking up the word occident (don't ask me why.................oh, I had a reason for looking it up, but I'm not going to fucking tell you).
At any rate one of the entries came from "The Devil's Dictionary" which was written by Ambrose Bierce.......................(a recommended read BTW).
To wit:
occident n.
The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call "war" and "commerce." These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.
Forewarned is forearmed........................(fourarmed would be weird...............interesting, but weird):
If you are not so closely related to me and so beloved by me as to absolutely preclude the idea of me murdering you for a cigarette.....(or murdering you because you showed up without one on you...................................or murdering you because you showed up with one on you when I'm this close to actually quitting) or:
If you are not prepared to offer me sex ( take note: age and gender are important considerations here......................I'm crazed, not desperate).
........then perhaps you should postpone that visit for a week or so, eh?
Thus endeth the entry.............................
posted by captn | 7/23/2007 06:54:00 PM
2 Comments:
good luck with quitting! it's tough, no?
sorry, pizza delivery in wyoming only. unless you have a pretty big tip you'd be willing to part with :) driving out there would take many shifs...
Quitting is easy......hell, I've done that thousands of times.
It's the not-smoking-anymore-cigarettes that's a motherfucker.
I'd make it worth your while..........large, thick crust, everything.
*grins*
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