Thinking out loud.................to a "new" old friend?
You have to know that I have a lot of questions. You would too if the shoe were on the other foot.
As much as anything else, though, I want to find a way for us to relax and have a good time again. I can't imagine being able to easily deal with the questions unless we can re-create that comfort first.
You knew I was there when you logged back in, and you had to manually give me permission. I thought perhaps you had come to the same conclusion and had decided to just go for it without a word. You've got to admit, that would have been fun, it wouldn't have been out of character for either of us and would have been as good a way as any to ease the tension.....to leave us with a warm fuzzy. I hope you can see how I might have misunderstood. I'd have been there earlier if you'd given me a clue...........I know you're not shy.
In almost every communication since we started talking again last fall, I've tried to help you understand..............it's just me. Sure, I've got questions...........questions you, yourself, would feel a right to ask if the situation were reversed............and some of the things hurt..........but damn, where did you ever get the idea that I was going to beat you up with them? You've done a good job of beating yourself up without any help from me.......and none of it was ever necessary.
Whether you can truly allow yourself to believe it or not,I am your friend, and it has hurt to see you torture yourself over something (however large it may seem to you) that could have been quickly and easily and gently dealt with........and left us smiling........and able to go back to having a good time together.
Some of the feelings of discomfort, or guilt, or embarrassment you've felt around and about me go back to last fall.............all I've tried to do is give you as gentle a way as possible to unload them.......leave them behind, and still have the friend that you wanted from the beginning.
Lovers come and go (dont we both know it) sometimes no matter how hard we try to make them stay or want it to work........but a friendship.................damn, that's worth a shitload of effort to repair if things work to damage it......you've got to appreciate that by now.
Yes, it really is ok.........and no, it won't hurt a bit, and yes, I really am sure.
As much as anything else, though, I want to find a way for us to relax and have a good time again. I can't imagine being able to easily deal with the questions unless we can re-create that comfort first.
You knew I was there when you logged back in, and you had to manually give me permission. I thought perhaps you had come to the same conclusion and had decided to just go for it without a word. You've got to admit, that would have been fun, it wouldn't have been out of character for either of us and would have been as good a way as any to ease the tension.....to leave us with a warm fuzzy. I hope you can see how I might have misunderstood. I'd have been there earlier if you'd given me a clue...........I know you're not shy.
In almost every communication since we started talking again last fall, I've tried to help you understand..............it's just me. Sure, I've got questions...........questions you, yourself, would feel a right to ask if the situation were reversed............and some of the things hurt..........but damn, where did you ever get the idea that I was going to beat you up with them? You've done a good job of beating yourself up without any help from me.......and none of it was ever necessary.
Whether you can truly allow yourself to believe it or not,I am your friend, and it has hurt to see you torture yourself over something (however large it may seem to you) that could have been quickly and easily and gently dealt with........and left us smiling........and able to go back to having a good time together.
Some of the feelings of discomfort, or guilt, or embarrassment you've felt around and about me go back to last fall.............all I've tried to do is give you as gentle a way as possible to unload them.......leave them behind, and still have the friend that you wanted from the beginning.
Lovers come and go (dont we both know it) sometimes no matter how hard we try to make them stay or want it to work........but a friendship.................damn, that's worth a shitload of effort to repair if things work to damage it......you've got to appreciate that by now.
Yes, it really is ok.........and no, it won't hurt a bit, and yes, I really am sure.
posted by captn | 6/27/2004 01:31:00 PM
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