Life after death.........

[A note: I wrote this, after yet another sleepless night, in the form of an e-mail. It occurred to me that it wasn't a bad place to start by way of a return to regular entries. Erasements and obscurations have been substituted for names and references by way of confounding knowledge of the identity of the recipient.]


Dear ***,

Little bits...

Among other things, I finally got most of my veggies
potted ........a cucumber, two peppers, and two
tomatoes. I need more dirt to fill pots for two more
tomato plants. I need to plan a "dirt raid"......you
wouldn't think it would be that hard to acquire dirt
in the middle of umpteen bazillion square miles of
corn field.........or make you feel like
Jesse-fucking-James to go get some.
At any rate, when done, I'll get to refer to my pot
garden with a wink and a twinkle.......whilst doing my
best old hippie impression.
I watched "Napoleon Dynamite" the other night. Cute
movie......everybody's ice cream dreams came true.
In an odd twist of casting irony, some day when you
think of it watch "Real Genius" (1985..Val
Kilmer)..........check out the part played by Jon
Gries (Uncle Rico) in that movie.
As I watched Napoleon, I kept wondering where I'd seen
"Deb" before.
It finally occurred to me that she was the 10 year old
girl in "Water World" (one of the Costner epics that,
like "The Postman", no-one except me liked) that had
the map to dryland tatooed on her back.

I asked about the messenger thing because I'm always
logged into Yahoo Instant Messenger.......whilst
linking about in your pages a day or so ago I came
across a reference to a yahoo screen name for you and
left a message there.......S** just
about broke me of any desire I may have of sitting and
typing to someone for any length of time....though I
have since enjoyed a lengthy cam and voice session or
two with various of my internet
acquaintances........at least you get to hear and see
(albeit in diluted form) some sensory informational
input.
All things considered, however,I still like face to
face best for any kind of in depth exchange insofar as
it allows all the brain's devices for gathering data
to bring to bear on the situation. What a marvelous
mechanism.....how marvelously adapted and
adaptable.....how marvelously automatic in its
infinitively intricate function.
I don't think I told you but I really liked the "igloo
of books" remark........
Papa Cecil would like to hear from you even if
Cheyenne wasn't here to say Hi to as well..and I'm
pretty sure I'll be here all day Sunday.....(unless
I'm off on a dirt raid).
Seriously, kiddo...........you can literally call
anytime.
I'm sorry your ** are bothering you.......
I hope you'll forgive me for refusing to believe that
God had anything to do with it (outside of perhaps
allowing it and observing the choices you make in the
light of that as a reality in your life.)
Even now, Dear ***, with the ashes of the only son
I'll ever have still cooling in their urn, alone most
of the time except for pain like a toothache somewhere
on me 24/7, sleepless, cut off from resource,
uncertain of where tomorrow will take me or what new
monstrosity it will introduce to me.......there is
still you and Cheyenne, and.......well lots of little
and big things......and most of all.......I'm still
alive and can breathe and eat and drink and fuck and
laugh and dance and sing.
No vision of the life after death of any religion I've
ever encountered as a study or a practice, has ever
held enough appeal for me to consider for a moment
that I would prefer it to the one I'm living
now...........not even the Moslem paradise of a
bottomless sack of primo hashish and a never-ending
stream of hot and cold virgin whores.
.......but that is a rant and I really need to end
this and decide whether to send its particles into
oblivion or send it to you..........can I trust you?
I really need to get back to blogging
Be well, Sweetheart.......

Yours always,

Cecil

Thus endeth the entry........