.......it tasks me!

Amongst the otherwise uncategorized clutter on what serves me as a coffee table is one of those plastic pens.................you know the kind, white cylindrical barrel, black tapered point and black, plug type cap.
At a casual glance it looks like a cigarette.........................every fucking time.

Thus endeth the entry......................................

The sweetest thing..........

Male readers will understand the heady, almost overwhelming mix of arousal, passion and love that is coursing through my breast as I write this:

I got the fall 2007 Cabela Master Catalog in the mail.........................and I'm going to read it as I dine on hamburger cassarole (with green beans and french onions) accompanied by an ice cold beer.

Thus endeth the entry.............

Keeping up with the Jones's

It's been 6 days, 5 hours, 14 minutes and 11 seconds..........................

If a drop dead gorgeous teenaged girl showed up at my door and offered me a choice between a pack of Pall Mall non-filters and a blow job I'm not certain what my choice would be.

Apropos of nothing: I was looking up the word occident (don't ask me why.................oh, I had a reason for looking it up, but I'm not going to fucking tell you).

At any rate one of the entries came from "The Devil's Dictionary" which was written by Ambrose Bierce.......................(a recommended read BTW).
To wit:

occident n.
The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites, whose principal industries are murder and cheating, which they are pleased to call "war" and "commerce." These, also, are the principal industries of the Orient.

Forewarned is forearmed........................(fourarmed would be weird...............interesting, but weird):

If you are not so closely related to me and so beloved by me as to absolutely preclude the idea of me murdering you for a cigarette.....(or murdering you because you showed up without one on you...................................or murdering you because you showed up with one on you when I'm this close to actually quitting) or:
If you are not prepared to offer me sex ( take note: age and gender are important considerations here......................I'm crazed, not desperate).

........then perhaps you should postpone that visit for a week or so, eh?

Thus endeth the entry.............................

Mortis Interruptus................

There are a number of changes that take place when you quit smoking...........some within minutes, some within hours and days.
For instance:
Within 20 minutes of your last cigarette your pulse and heart-rate return to normal and circualtion improves.
After only 8 hours the level of carbon monoxide in your blood lowers to normal and the level of oxygen increases to normal levels.
After only 24 hours your chance of a heart attack decreases and after 48 hours damaged nerve endings start to regrow and the last of the nicotine leaves your body.
Within 72 hours your bronchial tubes relax and lung capacity increases.

Of course all these things (and more) can be found on line, if you are really interested.

What you won't find online is that the first 24 hours after you've had your last cigarette last in the neighborhood of 17 or 18 weeks. The only period of real time that lasts longer is the evening you hand the car keys to your teenager for the first time.

What you won't find online is what defines a smoker and makes him different from a non-smoker.
For instance:
A non-smoker can do all sorts of things with his time......................he can even sit around doing nothing.
A smoker is either smoking or he is not smoking. A smoker can never just sit around doing nothing.......................he is either sitting around smoking or he is sitting around not smoking.
A non-smoker will never really be a smoker........even if he or she fires up a cigarette from time to time (for whatever reason)....................
however, on the other hand, a smoker will never be a non-smoker no matter how many years it has been since he has had a cigarette.
Therefore, a smoker who has quit smoking cigarettes will, for the rest of his life, even when by every appearance entirely idle, be strenuously engaged in the act of not smoking.

Sleeping a lot helps..........................it makes the days and weeks contained in every hour go faster.
People who claim that it's hard to quit because they have nothing to do with their hands are making excuses. I don't care what you do with your hands; knit, masturbate, pick your nose...........you're still going to want to smoke. Smoking hasn't got anything to do with your hands.
On well.......you get the point.
I'm going to go sit on the couch and not smoke............................

Thus endeth the entry...............